“Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but A Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.”
Physically, I have fibromyalgia. It’s real and it sucks.
Mentally, I’m insecure, especially about my looks. I act like the most confident girl, but it’s a lie. I have highs and lows. Sometimes I get weird, and I can be myself. Sometimes I hold everything in. Sometimes I cry too much. Most of the time, I want to die. Other times I am doing anything and everything to live, to be happy. I give and forgive too much. It’s hard for me to hate anyone. But there is no room in my life for anyone who treats me badly. I used to be walked all over, but now I’m taking a stand. I am the most loyal and generous friend you can ever have. If you hurt one of my friends, I will be your worst nightmare. I like to be surrounded by a lot of people, but sometimes I like to be left alone. I always feel alone, no matter where I am or who I’m with.
If you know me personally and find my tumblr, please keep it to yourself. I don’t want everyone to see it… thanks.
“To me, “fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.”
I am always here for anyone that wants to talk or needs advice. i’m a fantastic listener. I know what it’s like not to have anyone to talk to. I want to help people open up and heal. We all need a little help sometimes, I believe.
Depression: about 8 years now. I’ve gotten a lot worse at hiding it
Favorite book: To Kill a Mockingbird
Favorite show: Gilmore Girls
Favorite harry potter character: sirius black
Favorite family member: my dog
Favorite outfit: jeans, a t-shirt, & flip flops
Favorite movie: the little rascals
Favorite hobby: photography
Favorite sport: gymnastics
Favorite team: NYY
Favorite color: bright blue
Favorite concert: The kooks
Favorite quote: ”In nineteen minutes, you can mow the front lawn; color your hair; watch a third of a hockey game. In nineteen minutes, you can bake scones or get a tooth filled by a dentist; you can fold laundry for a family of five. In nineteen minutes, you can stop the world; or you can just jump off it.”
Roommates: the best three people you will ever meet
Best friends: currently void in my life
Major: Criminal Justice/ History
Who I am: No idea. I’m working on it. I’ll figure it out eventually.
What I want in life: Happiness, love, and a chance to help people like me.
“I could tell you anything and you’d still never know the real me”